Sick(1): a term used by the 'yoot' of today to denote what they consider is cool. The term cool is definitely not sick in their opinion and by the time you read this they will probably have a new word to express their delight in things they consider outstanding. I personally hope it's 'turnip' as its just as rediculous as sick in my opinion. Eg "Damn G those kicks is turnip!" (Translation: "good day my friend, I think your training shoes look great")
Sick(2): the contents of your littles ones stomach regurgitated and spewed over his cot at 1:30am that sends you, the parent, into a panic.
Well it had to happen eventually, after ten months, and not including the constant baby spew of formula for the first 3 or 4 months, Zac was sick for the first time last night.
He usually 'wakes' about once a night with a little cry but he's usually still actually asleep and a quick re-pop of his dummy into his mouth is enough to send him instantly back to the land of nod.
But last night I could tell something was up when the missus jumped out of bed at 1:30am to attend our little bundle of mischief and she didn't return to bed within the usual 30second time limit that denotes that everything is fine.
Oh no, suddenly lights went on, crying was heard (Zac not the missus) then she appeared in the doorway holding him saying "he's been sick."
I rose from my slumber to join her in the nusery (posh way of saying Zacs room, formally know as the spare room) to find her cradling Zac and the smallest amount of proper vomit (it even had carrots in it!) on the mattress. Then she said "do you think he looks pale?"
I took hold of him, took him into the living room where the light was better and "sweet baby Jesus!!! He was white as the proverbial sheet (his actual sheets were a light coffee colour on the night in question)
He looked like a kind of devil child from some horror movie, he was all pale white skin and dark squinting eyes! It was one of those heart racing middle of the night scenarios when you're still half asleep but the adrenalin has started pumping and your mind is racing, asking no end of questions like
"What's the matter with him?"
"Is he seriously ill?"
"Do I need to get him to a hospital?"
"How will I get him to a hospital?" (We don't have a car)
"What should I do?"
"Has he got a temperature?"
"Is it food poisoning?"
"Will we have to stay up with him all night?"
"Will Arsene Wenger ever sign up any new players?"
"How did that bloke mistake salt for sugar on this weeks Great British Bake Off? The muppet"
"Why is Lana Del Rey such a miserable cow?"
Well, after establishing he didn't have a temperature and a quick cuddle on mums lap and a few sips of water whilst dad changed the cot sheet, Zacs colour returned along with his smile and then when he spied his toy box in front of the TV and made a dash for it we assumed he must be OK.
I scooped him up into my arms and turned to see the missus silently mouthing in that exaggerated way that only parents do "HE'S NOT GOING TO GO BACK TO SLEEP NOW IS HE?"
The exact same fear was going through my head and I had visions of playing stacking cups and chase me until 5am!
As it turned out I lay him in his cot turned out his light and he turned over and went to sleep without a sound until 6am!!! Now that was sick!
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